9/11

I wonder how many people are going to write about this today. Shortly after the attacks happened in 2001, I had written down all my thoughts about it, but I've since lost my notes in our fire. So I thought I'd take this opportunity on the 5 year anniversary to write about it again. I know I won't remember a lot of the details about how I felt that day and the days after but I guess some info is better than none.

That morning, I had Jackson and Jordan home...we were getting ready for school. Jordan was in preschool and Jackson in MDO. They were eating breakfast and we were watching tv. I don't remember what station it was but it was not a local channel. Probably something like nick jr or disney. Jim called from work. He was working at Enron at the time and had been at work for a while already. They had tvs everywhere in his building always turned to cnn or the financial news network. He asked if I was watching the news. Of course, I wasn't. I was probably watching Dora the Explorer or something equally innocent.

I just couldn't believe what I was seeing on the tv screen. Initially I kept thinking it had been some sort of terrible airline mistake...that had to be it. Until we saw the second airplane hit. That is when everyone knew it was being done on purpose. What kind of people would do such a thing? All this time later I still don't comprehend the motivation behind such an act.

When it was time to take the kids to school I wasn't sure what to do. I went ahead and got them in the car, and drove to Holy Comforter. I remember feeling so weird on the car ride over...like it just wasn't right to be taking them to school that day...but I felt like we should stick to our routine. All the other moms at drop off were feeling the same way but we reluctantly left our children and started to go about our day.

I had a few errands planned that morning and I remember the first place I went...Joann Fabrics. How weird is that. I remember being in the store shopping for my mundane craft items and feeling all the time that this just wasn't right. I left the store, drove back to school and picked up Jackson and Jordan right then. I just really needed them with me, in my sight.

The rest of the morning I was glued to the tv like the rest of the nation. Jim's building downtown was evacuated and everyone sent home thinking that other big buildings in large cities might be targeted. I was relieved when he finally got home. I just wanted us all to be together in the same room.

The rest of that day and evening we had the news on non-stop. I remember we were all sitting at the dinner table and Jordan asked why the tv was still on while we were eating. We weren't really sure how much to tell her about what happened (she was only 4) or how appropriate it was for her to be watching the news coverage that day. I can't remember if we turned the tv off or not...or the exact words we used to try to explain the horrible thing that had happened that day. I'm sure it wasn't adequate but we always try our best to explain things to the kids and at the same time make sure they still feel safe and protected.

Five years later I still find myself looking up at airplanes I hear passing overhead to make sure they're going to keep on going like they're supposed to. And five years later, after all the time and money the u.s. government has spent on the "war on terror" and all the military personnel that have died, I don't feel any safer than I did right after 9/11. I still feel like a similar attack could happen again at any moment in any location and it'd just be the luck of the draw if it wasn't in my city.